Why we ought not to make a big deal of handicaps like mine.

Imi's final wrap-up...

I have Howard to thank for giving me this wonderful and memorable experience in Quetico Wilderness Area.   Given my severe visual impairment, all of Howard’s toughness and abilities had to be made use of to make this trip a success.  Now here is a question I wish to address: would it be right of me, and fair to Howard, if I were to declare to him that all my incapacities ought to be simply overlooked (despite the problems they present), and that in the end they just do not matter much at all?  Suppose if I were to tell him this: let us both regard my handicap no more than one other challenge, of the many that we (jointly) encountered in Quetico, and I neither have to feel too grateful for your extra efforts, nor be especially depressed about having it.  Would this be the right attitude?  It sounds rather callous, but I believe it is indeed the right attitude.  And Howard is in complete agreement with this; and it was precisely in this spirit that the trip was undertaken.

The danger of making too big a fuss about handicaps is, we tend to overlook the positive contributions persons with handicaps make.  First of all, I was not a passive passenger in this journey. I carried my stuff, I pitched my own tent, worked my way alone through the arduous and primitive portages, and washed the dishes whenever I could.  And I am a strong paddler, given my years of canoeing experience.  Secondly, handicaps are but mere externalities; what counts is who we are as persons. And I, like all persons, are an asset simply by showing good will, and being themselves.

 

While Howard put in far more into this trip than I did, I hope in my own way I was not a liability, a burden to be taken care of, but an asset. I am just too proud to be an object of charity. Only if I am convinced that, for all that Howard can give, I have something positive to give back, I would not undertake a trip as a net receiver. And Howard values his life and time too much, to do a trip that adds nothing of positive value, in terms of knowledge and new experiences. I declare outright, there is nothing of charity work, in Howard undertaking this adventure with me. We went as equal friends that have really bonded as a result of this trip.

I have come a long way, not only since I lost much of my sight some 5 years ago, but also since my last canoe trip with Howard to Yukon, exactly one year ago.  At the end of that trip, I had stated (see the blog “Yukon Blind Dreams”), that blindness is demoralizing and isolating. I regard this nonsense today, though blindness is certainly limiting, and not something to flaunt about.  But a human life that is affirmative will build upon anything that is thrown to it. Since I cannot see, well let me hear more closely.  Since I cannot relish the visual panorama, let me monitor my emotions, probe more deeply, and be more attuned with what is around me.  Building and growth is the essence of life that is affirmative --- and I am firmly committed to be affirmative.  And once one has built one’s life upon  and around our incapacities, these are no more handicaps. They are an essential part of our being, of who we are.  I am now in a position to tell anyone: if you find pleasure in my presence and company, then you have no justification to be really bothered by my visual impairment.  That is an integral part of me.

A couple of years ago I encounter a stranger some four miles south of River Falls, in one of my regular jaunts.  There was a brief deliberation on whether we take on an adventure together. On a hunch I decided to just go for it, and spend about three weeks canoeing several hundred miles down Yukon.  And Howard came all the way from South Africa for this venture.  The major challenge of the first trip was, first we were then almost complete strangers, who had no idea how things would work between us. And secondly, we were dealing with moving water and perhaps rapids. 

Because of the success of the first trip, I suggested to Howard that we undertake a second trip, with new challenges.  Canoeing through Quetico, especially in its deep interior, has the new challenge of primitive portages.  There will be thick bushes, knee deep muck, steep rock faces or even cliffs, vast moraine, and large pools of water, to trudge across.  Despite my blindness, I told him I absolutely insist, that should we undertake this trip, I do the portages all by myself.  I will just not let myself be led through these portages like a child.  With a paddle in my hand, and a pack on my back, I will somehow find my way through it all. Howard agreed to this, and came all the way from London for this. It is a testimony to his courage and generosity, to venture with a person with a handicap , considering not only the extra risks but even extra work and extra responsibilities.  It has been a real adventure. This trip has shown our friendship can endure trying moments.   Even when an unbelievably vast horde of mosquitoes were harassing us, and for all the frustration at the rain and muck and drudgery at the portages, we never had a single quarrel.  And we felt confident enough to expose to each other our vulnerabilities.  Yes, life is strange.  I say, just go along with life, and do not hold yourself back, when the time is ripe.

See some photographs from the trip. 

Read Howard's final wrap-up blog post. 

Read Imi's previous blog post.